Courtney?

SO I haven’t posted in about 6 months. I’m not really sure where to begin. It’s been a while since I’ve actually typed a blog so I’ll just start like I usually do by typing every random thought i have until it all seems to piece together. I can’t even begin because there’s so much I feel like I need to say which is confusing because I’m typing to no one. Essentially I’m telling a story to a screen. Which is fine, it’s probably what I need. Sometimes i worry that my crazy is a bit too crazy for the people I share it with. So that must be why i started a blog, in order to spare those around me. hah

so let’s begin with what I’ve been bitching about the most lately college whoohoo. I’ve spent 17 years thinking college was going to be it for me. You know like that’s what would piece it all together, make my life better, make me a stronger person, make me smarter, more educated, talented, and provide me with something to offer to the world. I’m beginning to realize that was my responsibility. Not only was it my responsibility, but I’m about 3 and a half years too late. Apparently colleges don’t want to help you or improve you. No they would like the robots. So I’ll be blunt I got into my choice school, but despite my test scores, my extracurriculars, grade point average, and classes being quite above average, I have yet to receive any money. So my choice school has now become my haha yeah right school and my second choice is now my oh please god if you’re there it’s me courtney can you send down a fat check. Third school is on the verge of not causing cardiac arrest inducing debt. and fourth school well shit why didn’t i just apply there and leave it at that. It gets me away from lake charles even though it’s high school with a different name. I don’t know i just spent so much time building up my expectations and being excited about college when i suppose I should have been home studying instead of living life and learning.

Bitter..yes i know.

So I have developed a minor obsession with becoming a surgeon, it’s only fueled by my love of medical tv shows, which is lame but sadly true. Everything I do I relate it to surgery. It’s kind of weird now that I see it typed, but i just equate a lot of skills i possess and those i think i should aquire to being a surgeon. Needless to say I’m pretty much peeing my pants about getting to cut those cats open in may. The animal lover in me feels reeeeaaaally bad about it, but I really hope mine is pregnant.

I’m trying to ignore the presidential campaign. Politics used to interest me but now it’s just become a fight between two sides of the country. ALthough i will say I am going to vote for hillary i think she has great ideas and i truly think she is the most experienced and overall best candidate for the job.

I always try to write about relationships and it always fails. I will probably erase this paragraph. I’ve realized a lot in 2007. I realized I’m allowed to be happy. I realized you’re supposed to like the person you’re in a relationship with. And one of the best things i heard that really made sense to me is it’s important to think about all the character flaws in the person you’re dating and then think about how much of a deal breaker those typically are, and if those flaws are something you don’t really have a problem with then you’re probably in a good place. I know it’s not the other person’s flaws that I should focus on, but it is important to recognize that they exist and that they might be something i can or can’t live with. I always feel like I’m too young to talk about this, and I probably am, but i talk about a lot of things I probably don’t know enough about so this might as well be one of them.

i think that’s all for now hopefully there will be more soon