Courtney?

okay so i don’t particularly have anything interesting to say i’m just listening to modest mouse and it reminds me a lot of what has been going on.

in the past year:
i have seen things i never wanted to it. it’s amazing what happens when you hand control of your life over to someone else. i’ve done things in my past i’m not proud of. i wanted to be someone that i realize now i don’t ever want to be. i want nothing to do with the way i was for a long time. i think we all have this image of what we want our lives to be like and how leading that kind of lifestyle will make us feel. i thought i knew. i thought i knew it all. i had everything mapped out. i had no clue. i had no clue what it would do to me. how i would feel. i can only blame myself for falling so deep into that hole. i can give credit to someone else for pulling me out. he doesn’t read this so it doesn’t matter. when i was trying to pick the pieces up off of the floor after thomas he pulled out the broom and the glue. he’s been here more than anyone and we barely know eachother. all i can say is i’m grateful that he helped me realize my mistakes and realize that where i was headed was somewhere i had no place being. i really don’t know how to thank him enough. it feels really good to have a friend that cares enough to tell you no. to tell me to stop fucking up. to tell me to get my shit together. i love each and every one of my friends, but it’s hard to explain i guess just thanks is good enough so anyway
i’ve been around stuff that belongs in movies
i’ve befriended people that have no place in my life
i fell…badly
i cleaned my shit up
i got everything together
i learned that you have to clear your own path
i’m tired of being influenced
i fell in love
my heart broke
my grades went to shit

so here i am cleaning it up. returning to equilibrium. finding myself again. starting over.

i just put the stamp on my envelope for my calculus class at mcneese next year and i’m pretty proud of myself. for the longest time i just said i wouldnt do it because i didnt feel like it now here i am and i’m glad i made this choice

i would like to get a job at one of the lawyer’s or doctor’s offices for the summer but if that doesn’t happen i’ll probably end up volunteering at gauthier campus again.

so my schedule for next year is:
english 4 ap
bio 2 ap
bio 2 lab ap
calculus

i have a title again. i think that’s played a major role in forcing me to get it together again. and i’m so appreciative of this opportunity.

i’m thinking about leaving lc for college (again) im sure that will come up a lot in next year’s blogs

i’m happy