Courtney?

okay so i don’t particularly have anything interesting to say i’m just listening to modest mouse and it reminds me a lot of what has been going on.

in the past year:
i have seen things i never wanted to it. it’s amazing what happens when you hand control of your life over to someone else. i’ve done things in my past i’m not proud of. i wanted to be someone that i realize now i don’t ever want to be. i want nothing to do with the way i was for a long time. i think we all have this image of what we want our lives to be like and how leading that kind of lifestyle will make us feel. i thought i knew. i thought i knew it all. i had everything mapped out. i had no clue. i had no clue what it would do to me. how i would feel. i can only blame myself for falling so deep into that hole. i can give credit to someone else for pulling me out. he doesn’t read this so it doesn’t matter. when i was trying to pick the pieces up off of the floor after thomas he pulled out the broom and the glue. he’s been here more than anyone and we barely know eachother. all i can say is i’m grateful that he helped me realize my mistakes and realize that where i was headed was somewhere i had no place being. i really don’t know how to thank him enough. it feels really good to have a friend that cares enough to tell you no. to tell me to stop fucking up. to tell me to get my shit together. i love each and every one of my friends, but it’s hard to explain i guess just thanks is good enough so anyway
i’ve been around stuff that belongs in movies
i’ve befriended people that have no place in my life
i fell…badly
i cleaned my shit up
i got everything together
i learned that you have to clear your own path
i’m tired of being influenced
i fell in love
my heart broke
my grades went to shit

so here i am cleaning it up. returning to equilibrium. finding myself again. starting over.

i just put the stamp on my envelope for my calculus class at mcneese next year and i’m pretty proud of myself. for the longest time i just said i wouldnt do it because i didnt feel like it now here i am and i’m glad i made this choice

i would like to get a job at one of the lawyer’s or doctor’s offices for the summer but if that doesn’t happen i’ll probably end up volunteering at gauthier campus again.

so my schedule for next year is:
english 4 ap
bio 2 ap
bio 2 lab ap
calculus

i have a title again. i think that’s played a major role in forcing me to get it together again. and i’m so appreciative of this opportunity.

i’m thinking about leaving lc for college (again) im sure that will come up a lot in next year’s blogs

i’m happy

You’re not sure that you love me
But you’re not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain’t fair
You know to just keep me hanging ’round
You say you don’t wanna hurt me
Don’t wanna see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

Chorus:
And it’s alright, yeah, I’ll be fine
Don’t worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
There’s nothing you can do or say
You’re gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Verse 2:
Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with and just let me move on
Don’t concern yourself with this mess you left for me
I can clean it up you see
Just as long as you’re gone

[Chorus]

You’re not making up your mind
It’s killin’ me
and wasting time
I need so much more than that

Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah

[Chorus]

Leave the pieces when you go (oh yeah)
Leave the pieces when you go

Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah

Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah

Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah

Leave the pieces when you go

Leave the Pieces By The Wreckers

alright so seeing as i don’t have anything particularly deep to write about i’ll just write. It’s time i get back to the way i really write.

so it’s freezing outside
ugh
i thought i was done with the cold but it’s kind of funny the way things happen when you least want them to

so let’s chalk this up i’m minus a boyfriend and a bestfriend and possibly about to be short another bestfriend
and it’s cold
and my grades are less than amusing
as in they are so bad it’s not even close to funny

so here’s my apathy kicking in.
do i care that i have a pageant in a week that i’m barely prepared for?
not really.
do i care that i’ve lost 10 pounds and i’ve been emotionally eating so much lately that i’ll probably gain that back 10 fold by friday?
not so much.
do i care that i have a pre-calculus test, three equally terrifying assignments due in Allan, and that i’m clueless in chemistry and physics?
nope.

what should i do about this?
study.practice.think about what i’m eating, work on school, and study.
what will i do about this?
most likely put on my sweat pants and type a blog.
yes! one goal accomplished
and i’ll probably hang out with my friends

it also doesn’t help that i’ve been emotionally challenged lately.
i’m pretty sick of feeling sucky and this weather isn’t helping
i also have this theory that something is seriously wrong with the librarians
i mean honestly i don’t know why they’re so bitchy no students go in there because of how they treat us so what are they so pissed off about?
seriously cpsb needs to invest in putting zoloft in the water fountains up there or maybe just a little sunlight would up their endorphin production please anything to make that place a little less like satan’s palace.

and on a lighter note please stop messing with my head