Courtney?

I wrote something in my journal today at school and i just feel like it belongs up here. I just need a catharsis. This sucks and I hate it but I have no choice you know? The sooner I can “heal” the better things will be. It’s kind of funny because I could never figure out how to write about love, but here I am now of all times miraculously figuring it out. And this is obviously about Thomas, but i just think i need to say that he is my best friend. And he is an amazing guy. So i’m not trying to throw this out here for anyone to read because im angry or pissed or whatever. i just need this. I need this for me and me alone. The last thing i want is for anyone to think badly of him or feel bad for me because hoenstly you don’t know the way it was. so here:

It’s crazy how things work
Life is Crazy
Happiness is far
I won’t erase I won’t forget
I’ll breakdown I’ll hate I’ll love I’ll miss I’ll let go and I will I swear I’ll let go.
My heart has been in the market place.
My heart has been bought, broken, used, worn, stolen, and flat out taken and then returned.
Returned each time and I, like the dutiful merchant
rebuilt the framework, tied up the loose strings, and put it back on the shelf.
And so here I am again sitting in my workshop feverishly sewing, gluing, taping, doing anything I can just to be at equilibrium.
So right now I feel my heart will never be a hot commodity, on display in the window, but instead, something left on a shelf to collect dust in a flea market.
I want to read this.
I want to explain.
But i can’t because right now I’m too busy picking up my own pieces.
I’m too busy trying to forget you.
I’m too busy trying to remember you.
I’m too busy trying not to cry
and i don’t want to write this because I never wanted to be that girl.
I don’t want your pity or your sympathy.
I don’t want to want you back and I don’t want to smear your image
I just want to feel better.
I just want to feel.