Courtney?

I have this theory about life.

Life is like a ferris wheel, in order for someone to be at the top someone has to be at the bottom.

Eventually your turn at the top is going to come and you can ride the ferris wheel as many times as you want and be at the top however much you want but you do have to come down eventually.

It’s my answer to hope.

You know i may be at the bottom right now but eventually i’ll make it back to the top. things can’t stay bad forever.

And honestly my ferris wheel bucket that i’m riding in is scraping the ground. and the person that seems to be on top right now, well i know they really aren’t. i know they’ll have to come down eventually and they’ll realize even though they thought they were on top they got there the wrong way.

So i know stuff is bad right now but i’ve got to learn something from this. I think what i’m going to learn is that you really can’t trust people. Because i pass my trust out like m&m’s.

I wish people would be born with stamps on their foreheads, then i could know who to trust and who not trust. But i guess then people would know they could take advantage of my trust huh?

That’s another thing i believe. I believe that one purpose of life is to learn lessons. I believe you never stop learning until you die. I also loosely believe in karma. I don’t think people are punished for specific actions, but it kind of relates to my ferris wheel idea. I think when people do bad things, the more bad things they do the more likely it is that something bad will happen to them.

I’m tired of wasting my life. I feel like i need to be pro-active. I want to get out and do something. I need to build something. i love building it makes me feel so accomplished. I don’t care if it’s a cabinet or someone’s self-esteem. It feels so good to put serious time, thought, and effort into something and see a finished product. I think that if more people saw the value in that then maybe this world would be a little better.

I wish more people were able to look at the bigger picture. I know i’m guilty of it too, but too often people see situations with their eyes only. There are too few people who look at life in a broader scope. I think from now on when i make a choice to do something i’m going to ask myself how am i affecting others by doing this? It could be anything like: how am i affecting someone by eaitng this candy bar? contributing to obesity in america. How am i contributint to society by speeding down this road? making it unsafe for children to play outside. How am i changing the world by dropping this piece of paper on the ground? adding to pollution.

I know i won’t always think this way , but i can try i can make a small effort. I’ve always been really inspired by pay it forward. i like to think that when i do good things for people like letting a car out into the road thats blocked in or picking up a book that someone dropped, that the person will notice and might do soemthing nice for someone else.

i know people think i’m negative but i’m really quite idealogical, which isn’t much better but it’s the closest i can get to optimistic while still being realistic. i know those are kind of opposites (idealogical and realistic)but i like to hope and wish and dream. It makes life a lot easier.

i need something, anything just to make my life calm down i need the turmoil to be gone if only for a month or two or forever.